Grhasthashrama (गृहस्थाश्रमः)

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Grhasthashrama (Samskrit: गृहस्थाश्रमः) refers to the second of the four stages (ashramas) of life as per the Varnashrama Vyavastha. It is the stage of a householder or Grhastha. This householder stage is entered at marriage, when a student completes his studentship and is ready to take up the duties and responsibilities of householder life. Of all the Ashramas, this is considered the most important, because it supports all the other ashramas. It is said that, just like all creatures live supported by the air, the other ashramas exist supported by the grhastha;

यथा वायुं समाश्रित्य वर्तन्ते सर्वजन्तवः । तथा गृहस्थं आश्रित्य वर्तन्ते सर्व आश्रमाः । । ३.७७[६७ं] । ।

like all streams and rivers flow to rest in the ocean, all the ashramas flow to rest in the grhastha. The Grhastha is the very heart of the society as everything depends on him.

गृहस्थाश्रमस्य महत्त्वम् ॥ Greatness of Grhasthashrama

Greatness of the Grhasthashrama is described in the conversation between Uma and Shankara occuring in the Anushasana Parva of the Mahabharata. In this dialogue, Uma seeks to know the dharma of ashramas, of the way one ought to lead life at different stages of a lifetime. And Shankara begins his answer to Uma's queries with the unequivocal assertion that of the four ashramas, grhasthashrama is indeed the foremost.

गृहस्थः प्रवरस्तेषां गार्हस्थ्यं धर्ममाश्रितः।.. १३.२०८.४२ gr̥hasthaḥ pravarasteṣāṁ gārhasthyaṁ dharmamāśritaḥ।.. 13.208.42

In fact, dealing with Vanaprasthashrama and Sannyasashrama in just about six and a half verses, Shankara returns to a very detailed description of the grhasthashrama suggesting that his heart seems to be in describing the grhasthashrama dharma for Uma. He says that the core of the discipline of a grhastha is in looking after and generously providing for the sustenance of all. Especially, of the guests who arrive at his door. And this opportunity to look after and sustain others is what makes the grhasthashrama so great that the severest austerities like tapas in cold water and in heat of summer during vanaprasthashrama cannot measure up to even the one-sixteenth part of the merit acquired by properly fulfilling the duties of the grhasthashrama.

सम्यक्तपश्चरन्तीह श्रद्दधाना वनाश्रमे । गृहाश्रमस्य ते देवि कलां नार्हन्ति षोडशीम् ।।१३.२११.३० samyaktapaścarantīha śraddadhānā vanāśrame । gr̥hāśramasya te devi kalāṁ nārhanti ṣoḍaśīm ।।13.211.30

Shankara even provides an expansive listing of the diverse people and other living beings who keep looking up to the grhastha for their livelihood. Thereby, emphasizing on the sustenance that flows from the grhastha in all directions. And concludes by equating the role of grhasthas in the society to protection of mothers. He says,

यथा मातरमाश्रित्य सर्वे जीवन्ति जन्तवः । तथा गृहाश्रमं प्राप्य सर्वे जीवन्ति चाश्रमाः॥१३.२११.४९ yathā mātaramāśritya sarve jīvanti jantavaḥ । tathā gr̥hāśramaṁ prāpya sarve jīvanti cāśramāḥ॥13.211.49

Meaning: Just as all living beings live under the protection of their mothers, so do all the ashramas derive sustenance from the grhasthashrama. It is no wonder that the merit of a grhastha whose labour sustains so much of life on earth is of course great. Hence it is said,

उपयुक्तं च यत्तेषां मतिमान्नानुशोचति ॥१३.२११.५४

धर्म इत्येव सङ्कल्प्य यस्तु तस्य फलं शृणु । सर्वयज्ञप्रणीतस्य हयमेधेन यत्फलम् । वर्षे स द्वादशे देवि फलेनैतेन युज्यते ॥१३.२११.५५

upayuktaṁ ca yatteṣāṁ matimānnānuśocati ॥13.211.54

dharma ityeva saṅkalpya yastu tasya phalaṁ śr̥ṇu । sarvayajñapraṇītasya hayamedhena yatphalam ।

varṣe sa dvādaśe devi phalenaitena yujyate ॥13.211.55

Meaning: Listen to the virtue earned by the one who does not spare a second thought for what has been used up by men and other living beings that look up to him for sustenance, and who knows that sustaining them is indeed his dharma. Such a one, having fulfilled the dharma of grhasthashrama for twelve years, attains the merit that accrues to those who perform an ashvamedha after having first accomplished all other yajnas.

Such is the glory of grhasthashrama. And such are the yajnas of the grhastha, that sustain the whole world day after day.

Eligibility to Grhasthashrama

According to Manusmrti,

वेदानधीत्य वेदौ वा वेदं वापि यथाक्रमम् । अविप्लुतब्रह्मचर्यो गृहस्थाश्रमं आवसेत् । । ३.२ । । vedānadhītya vedau vā vedaṁ vāpi yathākramam । aviplutabrahmacaryo gr̥hasthāśramaṁ āvaset । । 3.2 । ।

Meaning: (A student) who has studied in due order all the Vedas, or two, or even one only, without breaking the (rules of) studentship, shall enter the order of householders.

Mahabharata

अधीत्य वेदान्कृतसर्वकृत्यः संतानमुत्पाद्य सुखानि भुक्त्वा। समाहितः प्रचरेद्दुश्चरं तं गार्हस्थ्यधर्मं मुनिधर्मजुष्टम्।। 12.60.10 (61.10)

गृहस्थधर्मः ॥ Grhastha Dharma

Mahabharata, Anushasana Parva, Danadharma upaparva contains the details about how a grhastha in different varnas should conduct themselves and the qualities that should be cultured by every grhastha in the Uma Maheshvara Samvada.

धर्माश्रमेऽध्यवसिनां ब्राह्मणानां युधिष्ठिर। 12.63.6 (64.6)

Observing the Pancha Mahayajnas, outer and inner purity, being happy with one's own wife, approaching one's wife for conjugal bliss at the right time alone, being engrossed in dana, yajna and tapas, not travelling to foreign countries and engaging in the study of vedas along with agnihotra are the dharmas of a grhastha.

पञ्चयज्ञक्रियाशौचं दारतुष्टिरतन्द्रिता।।13.208.42

ऋतुकालाभिगमनं दानयज्ञतपांसि च। अविप्रवासस्तस्येष्टः स्वाध्यायश्वाग्निपूर्वकम्।।13.208.43

Those who, being in grhasthashrama, do seva of parents, the women who serve their husbands and the brahmanas who do agnihotra daily, Indra and other devatas as well as the pitrs in the pitrloka become pleased with them and such people are pleased by their own dharma.

शुश्रूषन्ते ये पितरं मातरं च गृहाश्रमे। भर्तारं चैव या नारी अग्निहोत्रं च ये द्विजाः।।13.211.37

तेषुतेषु च प्रीणन्ति देवा इन्द्रपुरोगमाः। पितरः पितृलोकस्थाः स्वधर्मेण स रज्यते।।13.211.38

Following the rules of Vrata and Upavasa, doing tapasya, engaging in dana, nourishing the dependent class, being compasionate towards the poor, staying away from other's women, always loving one's wife are the duties of a grhastha.

व्रतोपवासनियमस्तपो दानं च शक्तितः। भरणं भृत्यवर्गस्य दीनानामनुकम्पनम्।।13.211.45 परदारान्निवृत्तिश्च स्वदारेषु रतिः सदा।13.211.46

Speaking about the importance of the virtue of being devoted to one's wife alone, the Mahabharata says,

शरीरमेकं दंपत्योर्विधात्रा पूर्वनिर्मितम्। तस्मात्स्वदारनिरतो ब्रह्मचारी विधीयते।।13.211.46

The creator, in ancient times, had made a single body for a couple. Therefore, the one who is engaged with his wife alone is considered a brahmachari.

पञ्चयज्ञविशुद्धात्मा ऋतुनित्योऽनसूयकः। दान्तो ब्राह्मणसत्कर्ता सुसंमृष्टनिवेशनः।।13.211.12

चक्षुःश्रोत्रमनोजिह्वास्निग्धवर्णप्रदः सदा। अतिथ्यभ्यागतरतः शेषान्नकृतभोजनः।।13.211.13

पाद्यमर्घ्यं यथान्यायमासनं शयनं तथा। दीपं प्रतिश्रयं चैव यो ददाति स धार्मिकः।।13.211.14

The Mahabharata states that a grhastha should purify his mind by performing the Panchamahayajnas. A grhastha who always speaks the truth, who does not see fault in others, gives dana, honours brahmanas, who keeps his house spic and span, gives up his pride, is always straightforward, speaks lovingly, puts his mind in serving guests and visitors, partakes the food of yajnas and offers as per shastras padya, arghya, seat, cot, light and place to stay for a guest - Such a grhastha is considered righteous.

The Mahabharata (Anushasana Parva) while speaking of Pravrtti dharma for grhasthas states how wealth earned through rightful means should be utilised by dividing it into 3 portions.

एकेनांशेन धर्मार्थः कर्तव्यो हितमिच्छता। एकेनांशेन कामार्थमेकमंशं विवर्धयेत्।।13.211.17

Meaning: One desirous of upliftment must acquire dharma and artha with one portion, the second portion should be utilised for one's expenses while the third should be increased.

Manusmrti

वैवाहिकेऽग्नौ कुर्वीत गृह्यं कर्म यथाविधि । पञ्चयज्ञविधानं च पक्तिं चान्वाहिकीं गृही । । ३.६७[५७ं] । ।

गृहस्थलक्षणानि ॥ Qualities of a Grhastha

अहिंसा सत्यवचनं सर्वभूतानुकम्पनम्। शमो दानं यथाशक्ति गार्हस्थ्यो धर्म उत्तमः॥ (Maha. Anush. Parv. 141.25)

Maheshvara explains - Ahimsa (refraining from harming any being), speaking satya (truth), compassion towards all creatures, practicing shama (control of mind and indriyas or sense organs) and giving unto others as per one's capacity (dana) are the greatest dharmas to be followed by a grhastha. The Bhagavata Purana says,

सुशीलो मितभुग्दक्षः श्रद्दधानो जितेन्द्रियः । यावदर्थं व्यवहरेत्स्त्रीषु स्त्रीनिर्जितेषु च ॥ ६॥ suśīlo mitabhugdakṣaḥ śraddadhāno jitendriyaḥ । yāvadarthaṁ vyavaharetstrīṣu strīnirjiteṣu ca ॥ 6॥

Meaning: He should be of a good character, moderate in eating, alert and prompt (in work), of reverential faith in shastras and self-controlled. It is only when absolutely necessary and to that much extent only that he should deal with women (eg. for getting alms) or with those who are influenced by women.

According to the Mahabharata, honouring of guests, protection of the 3 fires (ie. garhapatya and others) is the duty of a grhastha. He must also perform the various ishtis and Pashubandhas according to the vidhis.

अतिथिप्रियता धर्मो धर्मस्त्रेताग्निधारणम्। इष्टिर्वा पशुबन्धाश्च विधिपूर्वं परंतप।।13.208.18

Conduct of a Grhastha

It is said that, a householder should earn money by honest means and distribute it in the proper manner. He should spend one-tenth of his income in charity. He should enjoy sensual pleasures within the limits of the moral law. The Mahabharata says,

परदारेष्वसंसर्गो न्यासस्त्रीपरिरक्षणम्। अदत्तादानविरमो मधुमांसस्य वर्जनम् ॥ एष पञ्चविधो धर्मो बहुशाखः सुखोदयः। देहिभिर्धर्मपरमैश्र्वर्तव्यो धर्मसम्भवः॥ (Maha. Anush. Parv. 141.26-27)

Refraining from seeking other person's wife, protecting ladies and those under his care, not taking any thing from other's (in the form of charity) without first giving, not consuming meat and liquor - these are five kinds of dharmas that lead one to happiness. Each of these five dharmas further lead into many branches. Those who hold dharma in high position always follow such dharma for the sake of earning punya (merits).

Mahabharata

स्वदारतुष्टस्त्वृतुकालगामी नियोगसेवी न शठो न जिह्नः। मिताशनो देवरतः कृतज्ञः सत्यो मृदुश्चानृशंसः क्षमावान्।। 12.60.11 (61.11)

दान्तो विधेयो हव्यकव्याप्रमत्तो ह्यन्नस्य दाता सततं द्विजेभ्यः। अमत्सरी सर्वलिङ्गप्रदाता वैताननित्यश्च गृहाश्रमी स्यात्।। 12

सत्यार्जवं चातिथिपूजनं च धर्मस्तथार्थश्च रतिः स्वदारैः। निषेवितव्यानि सुखानि लोके ह्यस्मिन्परे चैव मतं ममैतत्।। 14

भरणं पुत्रदाराणां वेदानां चानुपालनम्। सेवतामाश्रमं श्रेष्ठं वदन्ति परमर्षयः।। 15

Panchamahayajnas

A householder uses five things frequently in his daily life viz. the hearth (floor of fire place), the grinding-stone, the broom, the pestle and mortar and the water-vessel. And while doing so he incurs papa (पापम्) since each of these five are potentially harmful for small living organisms that are invisible to the naked eyes. Hence, they are called slaughter-houses. In order to successively expiate the offences committed by means of all these five tools, the great sages have prescribed for householders the daily performance of the five great sacrifices. (Manu. 3.68 and 69)

पञ्च सूना गृहस्थस्य चुल्ली पेषण्युपस्करः । कण्डनी चोदकुम्भश्च बध्यते यास्तु वाहयन् । । ३.६८[५८ं] । ।

तासां क्रमेण सर्वासां निष्कृत्यर्थं महर्षिभिः । पञ्च क्ल्प्ता महायज्ञाः प्रत्यहं गृहमेधिनाम् । । ३.६९[५९ं] । ।

It is said,

स्वाध्यायेनार्चयेत र्षीन्होमैर्देवान्यथाविधि । पितॄञ् श्राद्धैश्च नॄनन्नैर्भूतानि बलिकर्मणा । । ३.८१ । । svādhyāyenārcayeta rṣīnhomairdevānyathāvidhi । pitr̥̄ñ śrāddhaiśca nr̥̄nannairbhūtāni balikarmaṇā । । 3.81 । ।

Meaning: Let him (the Grhastha) worship, according to the rule, the sages by the self study/recitation of the Veda, the gods by burnt oblations, the manes by funeral offerings (Shraddha), men by (gifts of) food, and the Bhutas by the Bali offering.

ब्रह्मयज्ञः ॥

Also called as Rshi yajna or Ahuta, it refers to an offering to the brahman or rshi in the form of teaching and studying of the vedas - अध्यापनं ब्रह्मयज्ञः | adhyāpanaṁ brahmayajñaḥ. Here, the offering is not given into the fire, rather it is in the form of chanting of vedic texts - जपोऽहुतो | japo'huto | (Manu 3.70 and 3.74)

पितृयज्ञः ॥

The term Prashita literally means 'eaten'. It is said that, प्राशितं पितृतर्पणम् । prāśitaṁ pitr̥tarpaṇam । It is a daily oblation to Pitrus.

Prashita refers to

• Tarpana (ablutions to the departed) - they are offerings to pitrus done with water and food. पितृयज्ञस्तु तर्पणम् । pitr̥yajñastu tarpaṇam, (Manu 3.70 and 3.74)
• Shraddha or annual religious rites performed for departed.

देवयज्ञः ॥

Also called as Huta ( होमो दैवो | homo daivo), Devayajna refers to offering oblations to Devas, with recitation of Vedic Mantras - हुतो होमः | huto homaḥ | (Manu 3.70 and 3.74)

भूतयज्ञः ॥

In general, Bhuta Yajna refers to distribution of food to cows, crows and animals. Also called as Prahuta - प्रहुतो भौतिको बलिः । prahuto bhautiko baliḥ ।, it refers to the Bali offering given to the Bhutas - बलिर्भौतो | balirbhauto | (Manu 3.70 and 3.74)

नृयज्ञः ॥

Also called Brahmya-huta or the respectful reception of guests, - ब्राह्म्यं हुतं द्विजाग्र्यार्चा | brāhmyaṁ hutaṁ dvijāgryārcāis |, the Nruyajna refers to the hospitality offered to guests - नृयज्ञोऽतिथिपूजनम् | nr̥yajño'tithipūjanam । (Manu 3.70 and 3.74)

As it involves giving food to guests and honouring them, it is also known as Atithi yajna.

According to Manusmrti, an oblation duly offered into the fire, reaches the sun; from the sun comes rain, from rain food, there from the living creatures derive their subsistence (3.76) Hence, it says,

स्वाध्याये नित्ययुक्तः स्याद्दैवे चैवेह कर्मणि । दैवकर्मणि युक्तो हि बिभर्तीदं चराचरम् । । ३.७५ । ।

पञ्चैतान्यो महाअयज्ञान्न हापयति शक्तितः । स गृहेऽपि वसन्नित्यं सूनादोषैर्न लिप्यते । । ३.७१ । ।

देवतातिथिभृत्यानां पितॄणां आत्मनश्च यः । न निर्वपति पञ्चानां उच्छ्वसन्न स जीवति । । ३.७२ । ।

svādhyāye nityayuktaḥ syāddaive caiveha karmaṇi । daivakarmaṇi yukto hi bibhartīdaṁ carācaram । । 3.75 । ।

pañcaitānyo mahāayajñānna hāpayati śaktitaḥ । sa gr̥he'pi vasannityaṁ sūnādoṣairna lipyate । । 3.71 । ।

devatātithibhr̥tyānāṁ pitr̥̄ṇāṁ ātmanaśca yaḥ । na nirvapati pañcānāṁ ucchvasanna sa jīvati । । 3.72 । ।

Meaning: Let (every man) in this (second order, at least) daily apply himself to the private recitation of the Veda, and also to the performance of the offering to the gods; for he who is diligent in the performance of sacrifices, supports both the movable and the immovable creation. He who neglects not these five great sacrifices, while he is able (to perform them), is not tainted by the papas (committed) in the five places of slaughter, though he constantly lives in the (order of) house holders. But he who does not feed these five, the gods, his guests, those whom he is bound to maintain, the pitrus, and himself, lives not, though he breathes.

Bhiksha and Atithya

कृत्वैतद्बलिकर्मैवं अतिथिं पूर्वं आशयेत् । भिक्षां च भिक्षवे दद्याद्विधिवद्ब्रह्मचारिणे । । ३.९४[८४ं] । ।

यत्पुण्यफलं आप्नोति गां दत्त्वा विधिवद्गुरोः । तत्पुण्यफलं आप्नोति भिक्षां दत्त्वा द्विजो गृही । । ३.९५[८५ं] । ।

संप्राप्ताय त्वतिथये प्रदद्यादासनोदके । अन्नं चैव यथाशक्ति सत्कृत्य विधिपूर्वकम् । । ३.९९[८९ं] । ।

भुक्तवत्स्वथ विप्रेषु स्वेषु भृत्येषु चैव हि । भुञ्जीयातां ततः पश्चादवशिष्टं तु दम्पती । । ३.११६[१०६ं] । ।

देवानृषीन्मनुष्यांश्च पितॄन्गृह्याश्च देवताः । पूजयित्वा ततः पश्चाद्गृहस्थः शेषभुग्भवेत् । । ३.११७[१०७ं] । ।

कर्तव्यनिवृत्तिः ॥ Retirement from Duties

When the householder sees that his sons are able to bear the burden of his duties, when his grandchildren are around him, he should know that the time has come for him and his wife to retire from the world and spend their time in study and meditation.

According to Manusmrti, when one has paid, according to the law, one's debts to the great sages, to the forefathers, and to the gods, one should make over everything to one's son and dwell (in the house), not caring for any worldly concerns. [v.4.257.]

महर्षिपितृदेवानां गत्वानृण्यं यथाविधि । पुत्रे सर्वं समासज्य वसेन्माध्यस्थ्यं आश्रितः । । ४.२५७ । । maharṣipitr̥devānāṁ gatvānr̥ṇyaṁ yathāvidhi । putre sarvaṁ samāsajya vasenmādhyasthyaṁ āśritaḥ । । 4.257 । ।

At this stage, one is advised to constantly meditate in solitude on that which is salutary for one's soul; for one who meditates in solitude attains supreme bliss. [v.4.258.]

एकाकी चिन्तयेन्नित्यं विविक्ते हितं आत्मनः । एकाकी चिन्तयानो हि परं श्रेयोऽधिगच्छति । । ४.२५८ । । ekākī cintayennityaṁ vivikte hitaṁ ātmanaḥ । ekākī cintayāno hi paraṁ śreyo'dhigacchati । । 4.258 । ।

मोक्षमार्गः ॥ Way to Attain Moksha

In the 14th Adhyaya of the 7th Skandha of the Bhagavata Purana, as Yudhisthira asks, Maharshi Narada explains to him the course of conduct by which a householder will attain moksha without difficulty. He says,

Staying in the household and performing duties such as sandhya, worship and five mahayajnas laid down for a householder as direct offering to Bhagavan Vasudeva without expecting anything in return for it, one should wait upon great sages in order to learn the truth. (2)

Devoutly listening to the nectar-like sweet stories of the avataras of Vishnu during the leisure time after performance of duties, he should constantly be surrounded by people who are tranquil by nature. (3)

Through companionship with good people, he should gradually release himself from attachment to himself, his wife, his sons etc. which are in the process of being separated from him, and should rise above them like a person awakened from a dream (does in the case of objects seen in the dream). (4)

A wise man should be disinterested in and dispassionate to his body and house, but should attend to it to the extent to which it is indispensible. Simulating attachment to them, a man should transcend his status as an ordinary human being and be a recluse. Or (carry out his duties in life). (5)

Being free from attachment to himself and his property, he should accept in what his kinsmen, parents, sons, brothers and other well-wishers propose and desire. (6)

A wise man should carry out his duties while enjoying what he gets from the heaven (eg. crops due to rain fall), from mines (eg. gold, precious stones etc.) and what he gets accidentally by wind fall, as all wealth is created by Bhagavan Vishnu (and is obtained through his grace). (7)

Embodied beings can lay claim to that much wealth as is just necessary for filling his belly. He who lays claims on the surplus is a thief and deserves punishment. (8)

One should look upon beasts, camels, donkeys, monkeys, rats, serpents, birds and flies like one's own sons, for there is very little difference between them and his sons. (9)

Even though a man be a householder, he should not put in extraordinary trouble for getting the three purusharthas. He should enjoy what is afforded to him by providence according to its place and time. (10)

He should duly share his objects of enjoyment with all down to dogs, papis and people belonging to the lowest strata of the society. One's wife with whom one is most intimately attached should be allowed to fulfil the dharma of atithi satkara. (11)

One is so seriously attached to one's wife that he sometimes kills himself or other including his parents or guru for her. Therefore, if one can give up his attachment to such a wife, he conquers Bhagavan Vishnu who is never conquered by anyone. (12-PP)

Through proper deliberation, one should give up physical attraction towards his wife for, body ultimately transforms into worms when buried, faeces when eaten up by carnivorous animals or ashes when created. What is the value of this insignificant body ? And how much greater is the Supreme being who is all-pervading like the sky ? (13-PP)

A wise person should maintain his livelihood by food after offering oblations to the deities in the Panchamahayajnas and should relinquish the notion of his claim of what remains as surplus. Thus, he would attain to the position of paramahamsas. (14)

A man should worship the antaryamin daily by sharing what he has obtained in his own vocation with deities, sages, human beings, other living beings, pitrs and his own self. (15)

If he possesses all the required materials as well as the requisite qualifications for performing yajnas, he should worship the Supreme being according to the procedure laid down in the Shrauta and Kalpa sutras. (16)

But verily, Bhagavan, the enjoyer of yajnas is not propitiated to that extent by oblation offered through the fire as through morsels of food offered to Him through the mouths of the brahmanas. (17)

One should, therefore, worship this Inner controller through the brahmanas, deities presiding over the Panchamahayajnas as also through human beings and other creatures, by offering them objects of enjoyment, in the respective order, after feeding the brahmanas. (18)

If sufficiently rich, a dvija (brahmana, kshatriya and vaishya) should perform according to his means, the shraddha ie. Mahalaya in honour of his departed parents as well as their kinsmen and others, in the dark half of bhadrapada. (19)

The text further enumerates a few other occassions when one should perform shraddha. Since they are particularly considered as very auspicious times conducive to the attainment of prosperity to men. It is said that the performance of ablutions, muttering prayer or mantra (Japa), oblations to fire, observance of a sacred vow, worship of deities and brahmanas and gifts donated in the names of pitrs, deities, men and creatures on these specific days, bear everlasting fruit. (25)

The text also enlists Punya Kshetras and mentions that one who is desirous of blessings, should constantly sojourn at these sacred-most spots where the murti or vigrahas of Hari are installed. For, righteous duties performed here yield fruits thousand times more than what accrues at other places. (33)