Stri Dharma (स्त्रीधर्मः)

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Context Setting

Owing to difference in their gender and the corresponding physical and psychological differences, men and women play a distinct but mutually complementary roles within family and outside in the larger society.

This distinction in dharma discourse regarding men and women is owing to the fact that men and women are distinct from each other in their physical, biological, psychological, social, and spiritual makeup. While men in general are more suited for karma-yoga in its aspect of austerity (tapasyā) and ritual performance (karma-anuṣṭhāna), women in general are more suited for karma-yoga with a stress on devotion (bhakti) and service (śuśrūṣu). As a result of this, while puruṣa-dharma is enunciated in terms of varṇāśrama-dharma which stresses on austerity and ritual performance, strī-dharma is enunciated in relational terms where devotion and service play important role. However, this does not mean that men’s obligations do not involve service or that women are ineligible for all forms of ritual performance. It merely indicates what constitutes the predominant means of pursuing dharma for men and women.

For eg. In Manusmṛti 2.228-2.237, a man is told to always act in accordance with his mother, father and ācārya. To serve these three is told be highest austerity. This service to parents and teachers is an integral part of varṇāśrama-dharma. Likewise, when Manusmṛti 5.153 says that there is no separate sacrificing, observations or fastings for women, other than serving her husband, it does not mean total exclusion, but only that all other religious activities are secondary and a limb of serving the husband which is primary dharma and hence, her ritual practice must be done either together with the husband or with the permission of the husband, a point noted by Medhatithi in his commentary on the verse.

Bhagavata Purana

According to the Bhagavata Purana, the duties of women who look upon their husband as a (veritable) deity are: rendering seva (सेवा | selfless service) to the husband, compliance to his wishes, friendliness to his relatives and ever-observance of the same vows as those of their husband.

स्त्रीणां च पतिदेवानां तच्छुश्रूषानुकूलता । तद्बन्धुष्वनुवृत्तिश्च नित्यं तद्व्रतधारणम् ॥ २५॥strīṇāṁ ca patidevānāṁ tacchuśrūṣānukūlatā । tadbandhuṣvanuvr̥ttiśca nityaṁ tadvratadhāraṇam ॥ 25॥

It says, a pious lady should keep the house clean by sweeping and plastering (with cowdung), and decorating it with auspicious coloured diagrams and pictures on the floor. She should adorn her person with ornaments and clean clothes and always keep the utensils etc in the house clean and polished. She should, at every time, abide by the desires, great or small, of her husband with modesty, self-control and address him lovingly in true yet pleasant words.

सम्मार्जनोपलेपाभ्यां गृहमण्डलवर्तनैः । स्वयं च मण्डिता नित्यं परिमृष्टपरिच्छदा ॥ २६॥

कामैरुच्चावचैः साध्वी प्रश्रयेण दमेन च । वाक्यैः सत्यैः प्रियैः प्रेम्णा काले काले भजेत्पतिम् ॥ २७॥

sammārjanopalepābhyāṁ gr̥hamaṇḍalavartanaiḥ । svayaṁ ca maṇḍitā nityaṁ parimr̥ṣṭaparicchadā ॥ 26॥

kāmairuccāvacaiḥ sādhvī praśrayeṇa damena ca । vākyaiḥ satyaiḥ priyaiḥ premṇā kāle kāle bhajetpatim ॥ 27॥

It further elaborates that, contented (with what she has), not covetous, diligent, knowing what is dharma (righteousness), sweet yet true in speech, careful, pious, affectionate - thus she should serve her husband who is not fallen (by committing any of the five major papas, viz. murder of a brahmana, drinking liquor, theft, adultery with his preceptor's wife and fellowship with a criminal of the above type.)

सन्तुष्टालोलुपा दक्षा धर्मज्ञा प्रियसत्यवाक् । अप्रमत्ता शुचिः स्निग्धा पतिं त्वपतितं भजेत् ॥ २८॥santuṣṭālolupā dakṣā dharmajñā priyasatyavāk । apramattā śuciḥ snigdhā patiṁ tvapatitaṁ bhajet ॥ 28॥

A woman who, as goddess Lakshmi would do to Lord Hari, serves her husband with a single minded devotion, regarding him as Lord Vishnu, would like Lakshmi in the company of Lord Vishnu, rejoice hereafter in the region of Hari (Vaikuntha) along with her husband who (through her devotion) has attained the resemblence of Hari (in form).

या पतिं हरिभावेन भजेच्छ्रीरिव तत्परा । हर्यात्मना हरेर्लोके पत्या श्रीरिव मोदते ॥ २९॥yā patiṁ haribhāvena bhajecchrīriva tatparā । haryātmanā harerloke patyā śrīriva modate ॥ 29॥

Manusmrti

बालया वा युवत्या वा वृद्धया वापि योषिता । न स्वातन्त्र्येण कर्तव्यं किं चिद्कार्यं गृहेष्वपि । । ५.१४७[१४५ं] । ।

बाल्ये पितुर्वशे तिष्ठेत्पाणिग्राहस्य यौवने । पुत्राणां भर्तरि प्रेते न भजेत्स्त्री स्वतन्त्रताम् । । ५.१४८[१४६ं] । ।

Meaning: In childhood she should remain under the control of ie. dependent upon her father, in youth under that of her husband, and on the husband’s death under that of her sons; the woman should never have recourse to independence.

On the contrary to popular interpretation which takes it as an infringement of women’s rights and as impeding women empowerment, it is primarily a statement with respect to pursuit of dharma and not concerned with pursuit of artha or kāma. That it is a statement with respect to dharma and not artha or kāma is explicitly highlighted in Gautama Dharmasūtras 18.1 which says “A wife is not independent with respect to the fulfilment of dharma.

asvatantrādharmestrī | Gautama Dharmasūtras18.1 (Gautama Dharma Sutra n.d.)

Consequently, this dependence in dharmic practice does not in any way come in the way of women pursuing what they love or empowering themselves.

Furthermore, this verse it defines strī-dharma in terms of relational dharma that women have with her closest male relationship, namely father, husband, and son.

As children, both men and women are dependent upon their parents, the first teachers, who teach the child what is dharma and what is adharma. Therefore, when it is said that women in their childhood must remain dependent upon their father, the fact that children are dependent upon their parents for nourishment, love, education and protection is emphasized. In the same way, in old age, the parents depend upon their children in multiple number of ways including in matters of dharma wherein the children play the role of facilitator.

As a couple, the husband and wife enter into gṛhastha–āśrama (householder life) to practice varṇāśramadharma in the pursuit of the 4 puruṣārthas. Though the goal pursued is same, the roles played by the man and the woman in a marriage are different. While the man plays the role of a husband and a father, the woman plays the role of a wife and a mother. While the husband takes the role of yajamāna, the conductor of the rituals and other dharmic duties, the wife takes up the role of saha-dharmachāriṇī, one who accompanies the husband in fulfilment of dharmic activities. Infact, the role played by the wife is identified with the sacred fires of the house itself without whom a gṛhastha man cannot perform any dharmic rituals or actions. And for the wife, facilitating the husband in the accomplishment of the gṛhastha duties is itself the dharmic duty and a means for her overall emancipation. By this, the husband himself becomes the direct means for accomplishing all the puruṣārtha-s for wife.

Therefore, in recognition of the fact of direct dependence of women on their husbands in dharmic matters and secondarily on fathers and sons, the strī-dharma has been enunciated in terms of women’s relational dharma towards people who are closest to her.

पित्रा भर्त्रा सुतैर्वापि नेच्छेद्विरहं आत्मनः । एषां हि विरहेण स्त्री गर्ह्ये कुर्यादुभे कुले । । ५.१४९[१४७ं] । ।

सदा प्रहृष्टया भाव्यं गृहकार्ये च दक्षया । सुसंस्कृतोपस्करया व्यये चामुक्तहस्तया । । ५.१५०[१४८ं] । ।

यस्मै दद्यात्पिता त्वेनां भ्राता वानुमते पितुः । तं शुश्रूषेत जीवन्तं संस्थितं च न लङ्घयेत् । । ५.१५१[१४९ं] । ।

अनृतावृतुकाले च मन्त्रसंस्कारकृत्पतिः । सुखस्य नित्यं दातेह परलोके च योषितः । । ५.१५३[१५१ं] । ।

विशीलः कामवृत्तो वा गुणैर्वा परिवर्जितः । उपचार्यः स्त्रिया साध्व्या सततं देववत्पतिः । । ५.१५४[१५२ं] । ।

नास्ति स्त्रीणां पृथग्यज्ञो न व्रतं नाप्युपोषणम् । पतिं शुश्रूषते येन तेन स्वर्गे महीयते । । ५.१५५[१५३ं] । ।

पाणिग्राहस्य साध्वी स्त्री जीवतो वा मृतस्य वा । पतिलोकं अभीप्सन्ती नाचरेत्किं चिदप्रियम् । । ५.१५६[१५४ं] । ।

कामं तु क्सपयेद्देहं पुष्पमूलफलैः शुभैः । न तु नामापि गृह्णीयात्पत्यौ प्रेते परस्य तु । । ५.१५७[१५५ं] । ।

आसीता मरणात्क्सान्ता नियता ब्रह्मचारिणी । यो धर्म एकपत्नीनां काङ्क्षन्ती तं अनुत्तमम् । । ५.१५८[१५६ं] । ।

अनेकानि सहस्राणि कुमारब्रह्मचारिणाम् । दिवं गतानि विप्राणां अकृत्वा कुलसंततिम् । । ५.१५९[१५७ं] । ।

मृते भर्तरि साढ्वी स्त्री ब्रह्मचर्ये व्यवस्थिता । स्वर्गं गच्छत्यपुत्रापि यथा ते ब्रह्मचारिणः । । ५.१६०[१५८ं] । । (refer 161 to 164 also)

पतिं या नाभिचरति मनोवाग्देहसंयुता । सा भर्तृलोकं आप्नोति सद्भिः साध्वीति चोच्यते । । ५.१६५[१६३ं] । ।

अनेन नारी वृत्तेन मनोवाग्देहसंयता । इहाग्र्यां कीर्तिं आप्नोति पतिलोकं परत्र च । । ५.१६६[१६४ं] । ।

एवं वृत्तां सवर्णां स्त्रीं द्विजातिः पूर्वमारिणीम् । दाहयेदग्निहोत्रेण यज्ञपात्रैश्च धर्मवित् । । ५.१६७[१६५ं] । ।

Subsistence

विधाय प्रोषिते वृत्तिं जीवेन्नियमं आस्थिता । प्रोषिते त्वविधायैव जीवेच्छिल्पैरगर्हितैः । । ९.७५ । ।

Further reference:

Devanathan, Ramanuja. 2020. “Understanding Manu Smriti Part I: Women and Freedom.” Indica Today. October 27. Accessed August 04, 2022. https://www.indica.today/quick-reads/understanding-manu-smriti-part-i-women-freedom/.